double bind

stay right there
i warn you, beware
don’t come closer 
to this loser 
if you do — 
i swear I’ll hit you

trust me, it’s for your own good
to stop right now, before you would
catch my darkness — 
my poison will consume your sparkles

don’t go away — 
or I’ll beg you to stay
you see i’m reckless
i’ve no shame, no pride left 
no crash boat here, no life vest

don’t tie me down — 
if you can’t feed my hunger
while i twitch and hiss and frown
in this barely contained, neglected anger 

but also: no
please don’t let me go —
one more hit, one slip
would be the end of this warship

too heavy with weapons to set sail
too ambitious to dare to fail
too hard to unlock
to ever get out of the dock
forever stuck in-between
the one and only never-has-been

listen to me,
this ain’t no plea
i’m just trying to prevent
another painful event
follow my rules, be obedient
lose the war, the battle, the argument

I’ll spit on you, you weak, you lightweight
or fight me as i’ll fight you
with all my love and hate
till we’re so tired we’re almost dead
and no one is losing or leaving or ahead

but maybe, just maybe
there’ll be a few moments lazy
when we can feel the bruises
and stop the crazy

© 2019 Bálint Rádóczy