if you’ve seen me on my knees
in dirt and dust and bone and rust
or begging someone, please, if you must
if you were concerned or pained by my condition 
or a sense of unease crept in on you, a suspicion 
and now you think you have questions
as i used to think i have them too
or suggestions maybe, well, you should know 

it wasn’t some old wisdom
that burned down my kingdom
not gratitude
no sudden awakening 
that made me bow my head 
in humility and servitude,
not a new beginning

it wasn’t kindness
that scratched 
this lifeless
resigned smile
on my face of blindness 

it wasnt the truth of an epiphany
that made me wear this cloak of volatility
nor some divine intervention 
that slowly wore down my intention
it wasn’t my fake selfs bad behaviour 
or all my substitutes and god-replacements failure

nor was it a mere accident
in which i lost my arms, my arts, 
and some other body parts 
that made me pray for mercy 
in abandonment
and gave me an insight 
shrouded in celestial light 

i want you to know
since i still have a voice
i didn’t have a choice
i was simply forced

©2021 Bálint Rádóczy